Tides of War

Well I did and my god what an experience...

My E-banking doesnt work on my Linux box so I called up the techs that should know better.

Interested? well read on....

I called my banks tech support at 08:32 (2 mins after they opened up) there was a 2-3 minutes wait, the silence was annoying, they could atleast ply some music so one would know there was still a connection.

A guy in that sounded like he was in the mid 30ties answered:

me: Goodmorning, my name is Jesper

him: morning

me: recently I switched from Windows XP to Linux, and now I have a problem accessing my e-bank

him: how far do you get?

me: I get past the login screen, then it says "password accepted" but then it just hangs till i eventually quits

him: do you have Java installed cause it needs Java

me: yes I have the most recent Java from Sun

him: i dont know much about Linux, i need to pass you on to a colleagues

40 seconds pause...

him: there is no one at wrok now that knows your system config

him: do you use Internet Explorer?

me thinking: Internet Explorer on Linux ?

me: no I use Mozilla FireFox 0.8

him: oh Mozilla, i dont know much about that

me: but the help pages says... (then he cuts me off)

him: do you have Microsoft or Suns Java

me: I have the most recent Java from Sun

him: ok, but as i said we only have one employee that knows your system, he will be at work from 15:20 today, so i can have him call you

me: was close to say im sleeping at 15:30

me: I said im also getting 2 java errors when i open the main page, (then i started to say what the errors was and he cut me off again)

him: well if youre getting java errors you need to have Java installed, this could be why it doesnt work

me: umm I dont think they are related (then he cuts me off again)

him: i dont know much about your config

me: I have Java installed

me: the error warnings comes when i hit the main page, i really dont think they are related

me: for how long will that other guy be at work

him: to 21:00

me: ok i call back sometime tonight

me: according to the help files it should popup and ask for the path to the certificate

him: yes

me: it doesnt

him: it has prolly allready found it

me: how can it do that?

him: did you put it back on c:\blah blah?

me: no

me: now im really laughing out loud

me: there is no c:\ on linux its totally different

him: oh there is no c:\ (now he sounded like I was a fracking tard)

me: no it using a different filesystem...

10-12 seconds pause...

me: ill just call back later today, thank you for you time, have a good day at work

him: ok same to you

me: cheers

me: clicked disconnect on my phone

The peril of trying to stop world domination of Bill Gates and his evil cronies

Buxton rings Tides of War Enigma Support Center

Jesper: How may I help you?

Me: You could start by turning the music volume down

Jesper: Sorry...

Me: I have this crazy notion of running Enigma on Linux. How would I do that?

Jesper reveals all

Buxton is shocked

...

Part 2:

I called the e-bank tech again, this time there was a 12 minute silent wait.

him: hello

me: good evening, my name is Jesper

me: recently i switched from WindowsXP to Linux and now my e-bank doesnt work

him: ok

me: it just hangs after the login screen where it says "loading certificate" I tried mozilla, Mozilla FireFox and KdE's Konqueer, they all get to the same point

him: do you have Java on that machine

me: yes I have Suns Java 1.4.1

him: where did you put the certificate

me: nowhere yet

me: its supposed to ask for the location if you move it?

him: yes

him: i dont know much about Linux, especially not Linux and the e-bank system

him: im gonna have to have someone to call you up tomorrow

me: i was told to call tonight, cause then your only Linux tech would be at work

him: oh thats prolly Jesper, just a moment

pause 20-30 secs...

him: yes he can call you today, he is with a customer right now

him: what is your phone number

me: blah blah

then he talks what he types

me: thank you and goodnight

him: ditto

so now Im waiting for tech support part 3 :/

and yes Bux I promise, soon I will post how to play Enigma on RedHat

Part 3:

He calls me back at 20:55 (5 minutes before they close for the day)

me: this is Jesper speaking

him: this is Jesper from e-bank systems I was told to call you to help you with Linux

me: yes if you can

him: I can try

then i told him what i had told the others

him: do you have Java installed

me: yes

him: we havent testet it on FireFox, but it works with Mozilla

him: you need Java's symbolics links installed in Mozilla's dir

me: I have

him: the error you describe is a Java error, if the system hangs at the screen as you say, its cause Mozilla cant find Java

him: click about plugins, is there a long list of Java items

me: yes

him: then it should work

me: listen, I can hear you want to go home now, you prolly had a long day

me: are you at work tomorrow and from when till when

him: from 10am to 15:30pm cause we have tuesday meetings we dont turn on the phones till 10

me: ok im gonna call you up tomorrow if I cant make it work

him: cheers

me: disconnects the phone

Lovely....

Sweet

That's why I use Windoze and will continue to do so.

Problems that you expect are better than unexpected problems .

LOL

...and finally part 4.

No wait this time, which is good cause I wasnt in the mood.

him: hello welcome to e-bank hotline this is (insert his name here) speaking

me: good day, my name is Jesper, may I speak with Jesper?

him: just a minute ill see if i can find him

short pause...

put on hold...

him: this is Jesper speaking

me: funny its also Jesper in this end

me: it was me you were talking with yesterday about Linux

him: yes, did you get it to work

me: no, cause I have no idea what is wrong

me: are you sure that it works with Java 1.4.x?

him: yes, are you sure you have it installed?

me: yes

him: go here and there and then click here and there, does it say java enabled

me: yes

him: go here and there and then click here and there, does it say java enabled

me: yes

him: go to java.com and click here and there and then there is a green bar click that

me: yes the java thing is dancing

him: ok so java works on your machine

me: thinking tell me something I dont know

him: ok we need to try the netbank again

me: ok, im there

him: i need your login

me: ok its blah blah

me: it still hangs

now I can hear that he dont know whats wrong

him: what permissions do you have as user?

me: full control over everything except root and other users

him: maybe its not working cause the site dont have permissions to save a little applet in Mozillas dir

me: why wouldnt it? its me that owns everything in my 'home' dir

me: hang on ill logout and in as root then we'll see what happens

short pause...

him: hang on a minute

me: ok

short pause...

him: ok im back

me: ok and it still hangs

me: should i go to my bank advisor and sign up for a new account?

him: no, im thinking i should give you a keycard

me: whats that?

him: it costs 10 dkk ($1.8/?1)

me: per month?

him: no, its like you get 80 ticks, that allows you to login 80 times, when the ticks are near the end another 80 is added for 10 dkk more

me: oh

him: it doesnt use Java, and you can login from anywhere in the world

me: well i kinda dont care about that, but i need such card and those 10 dkk is quickly saved in those fees they charge when you pay bills in the bank

him: right

me: so it should just work?

him: yes we have tested it on several operating systems, Windows, Mac, Linux etc

me: ok so give me one

him: you get the new password and other details in your mail tomorrow

him: then when you login you use you current login and the new password, to activate the new account you have to fill in the special word you wrote on the original contract in march 2002

me: can you give me a hint?

him: no

me: guess I have to see if I have it written down somewhere

him: from now on and till you get you new password, do NOT login to the bank

me: why would i, its not like its gonna work

him: right, but im just saying it cause when i kill your account and you tries to login with a bad password then we have all that paperwork to do to get it reopened

me: yes we dont want that

him: ill get on it right now so you get the mail no later than tommorow

me: what if I just cant remember that word?

him: then you have to talk to your bank advisor and create a new one

me: ok, thats prolly how its going to happen

me: thank you for the help

him: your welcome

me: disconnects the phone